I had a recent breakthrough about sexting. I have a 14-year-old daughter, so sexting is something I discuss frequently with other parents, often in hushed tones. Our conversations have several refrains: that sexting is a dangerous, illegal behavior; that girls fall victim and should know better; and that it can have an egregious impact on young women’s lives.

When our daughter got her first smartphone, my husband and I sat her down and explained that sending nudes was a dangerous practice that could destroy her life. She might trust her boyfriend not to share the photos, but one day, when they broke up, he might do just that. Victims of “revenge porn” can be ridiculed by friends and classmates and, later, judged by college admission officers and future employers.

Our very good, very innocent daughter blithely complied and reassured us that she couldn’t fathom sending naked pictures of herself to any boy ever. And because we’re cool, progressive parents, we assured her that she could show her naked body to any boy she wanted, in person.

And then I became the Marketing Director for Keepsafe Software, a company whose flagship product is a photo vault app with 60 million installs. Photo vaults lock down people’s personal pictures on their phones. After interviewing and surveying people who used Keepsafe during my first months on the job, it became clear that one reason people use photo vaults is to protect and hide nude images.

There was more to sexting than I realized…

I learned that 50 percent of adults and 10–15 percent of teenagers sext. As with most technological trends, the law hasn’t caught up yet. Teenagers caught sexting can be prosecuted for dissemination and possession of child pornography, and in some circumstances, they can also be charged with exploitation of minors  ―  i.e., themselves.

But why are so many young people sexting? It doesn’t take much research to observe how much of our children’s social lives have moved online. These days I wonder if my daughter and her friends prefer interacting on social media to actually spending time together. They can retreat to an idealized world, safe from life’s disappointments and their own dashed expectations. And your hair always looks perfect on Instagram and Snapchat!

Social media is the most powerful force in advertising and self-promotion today. Celebrities use these platforms to connect with followers and promote their brands. The more the Kardashians “break the Internet,” the more we gape, and the more our kids adopt their poses. Is it not normal to take a selfie with pouty lips over one’s shoulder?

This is the context in which teenagers are discovering their sexual identities. Sexual exploration and courtship have not changed — it’s the mode that’s changed. Flirting now happens digitally. Arousal often occurs digitally. Negotiated personal boundaries and establishment of trust between lovers takes place digitally. But the laws of attraction remain the same.

Asking our sons and daughters not to sext is like preaching abstinence — and we know how that goes! When we ask our kids to abstain from sexting, we appear just as naive as our parents did. Abstinence doesn’t help kids who are curious about sex make practical decisions to shape a healthy sexual identity. Moreover, it’s hardly a progressive perspective for young women. It reeks of a double standard and the Victorian ideal for “purity” in women.

In my research, I identified two different camps on sexting. In 2014, Robert Sciliano from McAfee published a study with interesting data about how people intertwine technology with relationships. Sciliano takes a distinctly paternalistic and moralistic stance on sexting:

“Come on now people, stop being so reckless. No matter what your age group or gender, a lot of you are engaging in behaviors that will sting you in the end. The time to wake up and get smart is BEFORE something adverse happens that will expose you in ways you never wanted.”

The other camp is represented by Refinery29’s Reclaim Your Domain campaign. The popular millennial lifestyle site routinely publishes articles about nude photos, celebrity photo hacks, and revenge porn. Each story begins with this manifesto:

“Some people say the only way to stop online harassment is to stop going online. Well, we aren’t going anywhere. Reclaim Your Domain is Refinery29’s campaign to make the internet (and the world outside of it) a safer space for everyone — especially women.”

Refinery29’s perspective is that nude photos are common and there’s nothing wrong with them. The articles call out the double standard for women and the ways in which revenge porn has been normalized.

Guess which take on sexting is likely to appeal to my feminist daughter?

Turns out that sexting (and double standards) are human nature. I doubt many parents sit their sons down to warn them about the terrible consequences of getting caught with dick pics, because they don’t think getting caught will hurt their sons’ chances of getting into college or landing a good job. I can think of exactly one example where a man may have been adversely impacted by his dick pics.

Shaming girls plays right to the double standard. Women will never be considered men’s equals unless we can resist the impulse to penalize women for overstepping sexual boundaries while turning a blind eye to men who do the same. There should be no consequences for sending an intimate photo to someone we love or are simply flirting with. Revenge porn is different. Sharing nude photos of someone else without consent is a crime.

We have to teach boys and men that privacy is not in the eye of the beholder. Personal privacy is a boundary each individual sets for herself. Without privacy, we aren’t free to behave according to our wishes, and this restricts personal development. In the physical world, our personal privacy is well understood. Online we’ve made it more complicated, but it doesn’t need to be so.

Let’s impress upon boys and men the real meaning of consent. With nude photos as with any sexual act, consent is about getting permission before taking action, every step of the way. Online and offline.

I’m a firm believer that the open secret to a happy relationship is a good sext session every now and then. It’s a fun way to make your partner feel good while getting a confidence boost from seeing how much you can turn them on. It’s not even hard to know the right buttons to push, just watch what this girl does:

Happy sexting :)

You can also spice up your love life with ‘Relax Already & Get Sexy’ an adult coloring book to do solo or as a couple.

Tell him that you miss him. That you wish he was there with you. That you just got out of the shower and don’t feel like getting dressed yet or that you’re all alone in bed and feel lonely.

Follow it up by sending him a sexy picture. Something you bet will make him hard, but you wouldn’t be afraid to post on Instagram. Some cleavage. Some leg. Nothing too intense. Just enough to make him want more.

Hint at the fact that you want him. Mention that you need a massage. That you’re wearing new underwear. That he hasn’t left your mind all evening. Then let him do the rest. Let him turn the conversation sexual, so it seems like it was his idea.

Wait for his questions about what you would be doing if you two were together. About what exactly makes you miss him as much as you do.

Feel free to tell him the truth. Tell him about the fantasies you have of him when it’s late at night and you’re touching yourself under the covers. Tell him about that kiss you keep replaying in your head again and again because it gives you butterflies every time.

Drown him in dirty compliments. Tell him how good his lips feel against your hips. How his eyes look sexy as fuck when he’s turned on. How just the sound of his voice makes you wet.

Then you can create a scenario, explain what you would do if you were in the same room together.

Explain how you would push him onto the bed and straddle him, pressing your lips against his while you move against his crotch. Talk about how you would let your hands wander across his cheeks, down his chest, toward his jeans.

And tell him what you want him to do. Tell him that you want his hands to tug on your hair. Pin down your wrists. Squeeze your ass. Curl around your neck.

Make the scene as detailed as possible. As sexual as possible.

Just make sure that you tease him. That you don’t give him what he wants too soon.

Talk about how you would grind against his cock, but not unzip his jeans yet. Or how you would lift your dress above your head, but keep your bra and underwear on. Or how you would get down on your knees and stare up at him while getting ready to suck him, but only kiss around his thighs for now.

Make him suffer. Make him want more.

And when you feel like he’s ready to beg for your body, you can finish the scene. Talk about licking around his head and sucking on his balls while your hands move up and down his shaft. Or about slipping him inside of you and riding him while his fingers dig into your waist, while his breath hits your chest, while his tongue circles your tits.

Talk about how you want his cum slipping down your throat or how you want to feel him orgasm while he’s inside you. How you know it will make you orgasm too because he looks so fucking sexy when he’s underneath you.

And don’t forget to let him know how wet you are. Let him know you’re touching yourself, too. Let him know you want him to cum from thinking about you.

And then it will happen.

Holly Riordan is the author of Lifeless Souls, available here.

I was four months shy of turning 27. I was also the perpetually single, hopeless cynic, never-been-kissed, devil-may-care virgin woman who had neither any tangible experience in relationships nor in the bedchambers of intimacy and romance.

I’ve been in love before; a couple of times with both guys breaking my heart in ways different from the other but more or less equal in pain. It was at this point that I thought that maybe being single is what I was destined for; that somehow, none of the millions of men residing on this planet is ever meant to cross paths with me and eventually stay. Naturally, my friends started panicking because I was so convinced that I will live out the rest of my days as my friends’ kids’ spinster aunt.

Alas, a friend took it upon herself to create my first ever social dating site account. I swore I’d never create one because I knew that it would come back to bite me in the ass, that all I would find there are sex-crazed lunatics and even fraudsters. I know; I judged them all before I even met one.

But still, I tried wading into uncharted waters. After all, I promised myself that I would do things that scare the living wits out of me this year, and talking with a complete stranger a thousand miles away certainly makes the cut.

It was fun and exciting. It was also enlightening and I treated it as a research experiment, as if the procedures are clear-cut and the results are measurable. I learned about different cultures from the men I talked with. I learned certain words from various languages. I learned how they want their coffee, their ideal woman, their dreams (or lack thereof), and even their pasts. I thoroughly enjoyed the amount of knowledge and information, both factual and personal, that I was provided with during my conversations with these men. I enjoyed them because I remained emotionally unattached. And from these conversations, I came up with one conclusion: Most of the men I talked with, at some point, became so libidinous beyond control that they had to send me a “dick pic” without my consent and ask for a lewd picture of me in exchange. In less than four months, I was able to amass a considerable number of portraits of the male genitalia of all shapes, sizes, and colors! At first, I was adamant to believe that men had such an incredible sexual drive. Now, I am exhaustively and irrevocably convinced. Of course, I refused sending them a sensual, hard-on-stimulating picture. I told them that I’m not that kind of girl and I would never do that.

Then I met George. I was about to sleep one Saturday night when he chatted me up. Since I was tired he let me head for bed and nicely asked if we could resume talking when I woke up. I said yes. When I woke up at around noon the following day I checked his profile. He was wearing a Superman shirt and glasses in his photo. He was attractive, but not the kind of guy I’m usually into. But I chatted him up anyway and we clicked almost instantly. We were both into sci-fi. We both liked pets, with him having a cute brown puppy and me an orange tabby cat. We both played computer and video games. We both love having pancakes for breakfast. And we are also both rooting for the White Walkers to win (yeah, sue us). We had quite a lot of interests in common.

But there were also a hefty number of dissimilarities. Because we lived 6,000 miles apart with the Pacific Ocean in the middle, it is only natural that we had cultural differences and variances in viewpoints. He likes the cold, whereas I love the sun. I liked my burgers with pickles, but he doesn’t care for them. But the most startling is how he loves sweets too much and I, on the other hand, cannot finish half a bar of milk chocolate. We even got into a tiff when he finished an entire pack and told me it was his dinner. But he is at least accepting my pleas for him to cut back so he could be healthy. Or so I was led to believe.

Then one day while we were texting, he started sending raunchy text messages. Since I was pretty comfortable already with him at the time, I quipped right back, thinking it wouldn’t go beyond sexual overtones. However, before I could process everything, I was texting him how much I love feeling his palms on my breasts as he plunges his entire length into the tight wetness in between my legs. He told me how he would kiss me hard and long while holding my ass in place with each thrust. He told me how I made him so hard and wanting every morning when he wakes up and how he strokes himself thinking of me. He said he couldn’t concentrate at work after I texted him one morning how much I want to be under his office desk sucking him off. He returned the favor by describing how he’d lap up my juices while I’m in my tight office skirt. I was squirming the entire morning. We told each other of our fantasies: how my hands are roaming wild while we’re watching a television show on the couch, how I want him to take me while we’re stuck on the elevator and how he’d want me to straddle him while we’re alone on the last train home, among other unspeakable things. These exchanges happened every day for weeks.

We also had purely chaste conversations. We’d talk about the challenges at work, views on certain issues, and even ask the other for meal suggestions. Then one day, it all changed. It was right after he was considering that he’d come visit me if not for the cost and the crazy timing. I told him that there is no hurry and even joked that maybe we can meet in between—like in Hawaii or on a romantic submarine cruise in the Pacific. I thought it was all good.

But there was no good morning the following day. He suddenly no longer called me darling. His morning calls on his way to work ceased. I had to be the first one to message to hear anything from him. And then he started logging into the dating site again. I started asking myself why all these things, these changes are affecting me. I think that by this time it is safe to say that I had become quite attached to the man. For some reason, it felt like he was about to ghost me and it hurt unlike when the previous random internet guys did.

I decided to stop being always the first one to message just to see if he’d message me first. So far, I have not heard from him in a month. So I guess I have my answer. I kept asking myself how anyone you’ve been talking to for a couple of months almost nonstop every day could drop all communication. I kept asking myself how easy it is for an individual to forget. My friends told me that I was silly for being attached to a guy I’ve never physically met. But they were not the ones who heard him moaning my name, almost feeling his heat on my skin, sensing the spilling of his imaginary seed and the innermost thoughts that came along with it.

I was right the first time. Online dating bit me in the ass, quite harder than I can handle. I now give the world the license to call me stupid because I strongly feel that I am the Queen of Stupid for falling for a guy I knew firsthand would never fall right back.

1. Aquarius

Every Aquarius has what it takes to write erotica. Since they are artists at heart, they are able to come up with creative scenarios and write detailed scenes. They won’t text you something simple like, “I’m horny.” They will weave an entire story meant to turn you on. They will make you feel like you’re really in bed with them.

2. Aries

Aries never hold back, so they will tell you exactly what they want to do to you — and what they want you to do to them. They are unashamed of their sexuality and unafraid of sounding crude, which means that you are going to see the filthiest things written across your screen. Things you’ll have to erase so no one else sees.

3. Capricorn

Capricorns pay close attention to the small group of people who actually matter to them. That means that instead of saying what they think is sexy, they will say what you think is sexy. They will make comments they know will turn you on. It’s like they are inside of your head.

4. Virgo

Virgos are detail oriented, which means that they are going to notice the little things. The way your lips taste. The way your skin feels. The way your perfume/cologne smells. When it’s time to sext, hearing those personalized details will make you feel even more attractive.

5. Taurus

They have perfect memories, which is why they will bring up details from the last time you two had sex. They will compliment you on how hot you looked when you glanced up at them while going down on them. They will remind you how much they love the sound of your soft moans. They will make you feel sexy AF.

6. Pisces

They are fast thinkers — and fast texters. That means that the flow of conversation won’t be ruined by having to wait an hour for their response. You will be able to touch yourself while sexting them, because they won’t let you down. They’ll always have a sexy response ready.

7. Gemini

They keep things simple without going into much detail, but it works for them. They will say things like, “I want you on top of me” or “I’m dripping wet right now” and it will do the trick. They stick to the basics.

8. Libra

Libras can be shy and timid. They probably won’t be the one to initiate an inappropriate conversation. However, if you lead them toward one and they are comfortable with you, they will surprise you with how raunchy they can be. Their minds are dirtier than you think.

9. Sagittarius

Sometimes they get too into sexting and can get carried away. They might use a word you’re uncomfortable with or mention a sex act that you have no interest in performing. Once they’re in the mood, they can take things a little too far. But it’s only because they are so turned on by you.

10. Leo

Leos are visual creatures, which is why sexting isn’t really their thing — unless you consider sending nudes a part of sexting, in which case, they are professionals. They love showing off their body. They love giving other people a reason to shower them with compliments.

11. Cancer

They are the kind of people who will only ask questions instead of contributing to the conversation. And then what? What happens next? They will let you carry the conversation because they like the idea of sexting, but they feel kind of silly doing it themselves.

12. Scorpio

Honestly, Scorpios would rather have sex than talk about sex. If you try to sext them, then they will probably cut to the chase and invite you over to their place. They don’t see why they should fantasize about you in their head when they could have the real thing in the flesh. 

1.

Your fingers would feel so good against my clit. 

2.

I want to feel your body pressed up against mine.

3.

I miss the taste of your lips. 

4.

You have no idea how badly I want you in my mouth. 

5.

I get so wet, just thinking about you.

6.

I want your hands wrapped around my neck. 

7.

You’re the sexiest person I’ve ever had in my bed. 

8.

Every time I see you, I want to shove you against the wall. 

9.

You make me so fucking horny. 

10.

I can’t stop thinking what it would be like to fuck you.

11.

I want your cum to fill my mouth tonight. 

12.

Want to see me on my knees? 

13.

I want your tongue to play with my clit. 

14.

I bet your lips would feel amazing against my tits. 

15.

I’m so turned on right now. 

16.

I want to pin your arms down while I fuck you. 

17.

Picture me on my knees, staring up at you with your cock between my lips.

18.

I’m touching myself, but I’m imagining you. 

19.

I want to feel your cock hard against my ass.

20.

I’m going to make you moan so loud you’ll have to bite down on a pillow to keep quiet. 

21.

I masturbated to your pictures last night. 

22.

You would look sexy as fuck underneath me. 

23.

I really wish we were having sex right now.

24.

I keep fantasizing about you going down on me. 

25.

I want you inside of me. 

26.

I’m going to sleep naked tonight.

27.

Want some pictures of me? 

28.

As soon as I see you, I’m going to press my lips against your neck. 

29.

Tell me how hard you are.  

30.

I’m going to dig my nails so deep into your back that you bleed. 

31.

I feel like doing it doggy style tonight. 

32.

Do you want me to wear my lace lingerie or my leather? 

33.

I want to be the one to make you cum. 

34.

I hope you’re picturing me naked right now. 

35.

I don’t know how I’ve been able to hold back from ripping your clothes off.

36.

I want to hear you moan my name. 

37.

I can’t wait for you to touch me. Everywhere. 

38.

Do you have any idea how sexy your eyes are? 

39.

FYI: I’m not wearing a bra.

40.

I don’t know how much longer I can wait to fuck you.

41.

I want to feel you orgasm inside of me.

42.

Tie me to your bed and do whatever the hell you want to me. 

43.

Every time you touch me, I get wet. 

44.

I keep thinking about you completely naked. 

45.

You would love the underwear I have on. It’s crotchless. 

46.

I’m going to make you cum so hard the next time I get you in bed. 

47.

You are the biggest turn on.

48.

I want you on top of me.

49.

I bet your cum would taste delicious. 

50.

I want to feel your hands in my hair. I want to feel your breath against my chest. I want to feel your dick between my legs. I want to feel you slide inside of me and scream my name. 

It’s official: Tinder is hell.

I was holding out hope for a while. I actually met one of my old girlfriends on Tinder, but nope, Tinder is hell.

I could put up with the shirtless bros, and the nasty sexting, and the tone-death bios people think others are interested in. But this girl, and this bio, broke the camel’s back — then ran over it, with a tank.

Her primary Tinder picture is of three dogs gearing up to copulate, and her bio is about giving us a summary of the picture.

Allison then proceeds to take some selfies with the randy canines — because, why not?

Like, these are her *only* other photos on Tinder.

This is seriously the last straw. I am deleting this app.

REAL ASS THINGS I’VE DONE BECAUSE I WAS CLINICALLY DEPRESSED

1. Lied to my friends and said I had plans on New Year’s Eve so they wouldn’t worry about me choosing to sit at home in my underwear watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer episodes on Netflix.

2. Went to the gym four times in one day.

3. Watched work out videos by YouTube fitness gurus while in bed pinching the folds of my own skin.

3. Slept the entire day; stayed awake the entire night.

4. Watched an entire season of BoJack Horseman in two days.

5. Ate an entire party sized bag of salt and vinegar chips for dinner.

6. Canceled a date because I was too tired from all that sleeping I did.

7. Canceled a date because I didn’t think there was any point in going.

8. Texted someone I didn’t even really like just because I knew he’d respond.

9. Ghosted someone I actually liked.

10. Decided on an impromptu trip because I “deserved it.” Drove 300 miles, rented an Airbnb, and then literally didn’t even leave the Airbnb. Not once.

11. Got drunk so I could sleep.

12. Googled ways to kill myself. Decided it sounded like too much work.

13. Made up random lies about myself because it made me feel better than the truth.

14. Cried until I felt woozy.

15. Felt void of emotion.

16. Asked an acquaintance if they had my ex boyfriend’s number because I wanted to call him.

17. Ordered $200 worth of clothes that ended up looking terrible on me.

18. Ate eggs and rice cakes for a month because I spent my money on a guy who treated me poorly.

19. Slept for 14 hours, ran 10 miles, and went back to bed.

20. Screamed at my dead dad’s urn for being dead.

21. Entered and won an Ebay auction of an autographed CD for a guy I was in love with who did not love me back.

22. Made up a rap alter-ego and actually thought that was a feasible career option.

23. Wrote a lot of bad poetry.

24. DMed a D-list celebrity and ended up sexting.

25. Didn’t text my friend back for days and made up a bullshit excuse as to why I took so long.

26. Booked a flight to Nashville when I couldn’t sleep.

27. Canceled the flight to Nashville when I couldn’t sleep.

28. Went to a casting call for The Bachelor.

Send nudes. This line has been consuming the minds of the youth as of today.

Asking for bare bodies angled on a perfect figure and with perfect lighting. Begging to have a portrait of your innermost flaws covered and edited.

This very famous line is what we, millennials, made so we can entertain ourselves, prove our worth to somebody, and clarify that we are better than everyone else.

Unwanted videos and photos going around the internet posted by people who asked for it but couldn’t handle the truth. Couldn’t handle that a person can be so raw, so pure, so beautiful that they could just dismiss the idea of them as soon as they’re done admiring.

Then one night, there’s this guy who messaged me on one of my social media accounts, “Do you send nudes?”

Do I? Yes, I do. I send nudes and by that I mean, I send my soul. I’ll be sending you my darkest secrets, my deepest fears, my childhood memories and how my father let us down.

I’ll send you things about me, monsters, with claws ready to eat you alive.

I’ll be sending you my tears, how I got my heart broken and how the world has betrayed me so many times in the past.

I’ll send you the bottles I drowned myself in, the pills I took so I didn’t have to wake up the next day, the pillow that listened to my every nightmare and the blanket that hugged me through cold dark nights.

Hell, I’ll even send you pictures of my scars and how I got them, even every mole in every part of my body.

I’ll send you the skeleton inside my closet that I’ve been keeping from the world, terrified that no one would accept.

I’ll send you my dreams and how they are always shattered. I will lay them all to you on a kitchen table, on a bathtub, in front of a bathroom mirror, on top of a bed covered with roses and lingeries I never liked.

We’ll be sexting all night long. I’ll go down on you while you lick away my fears. I’ll tell you how much I long for your touch and how much I want you inside me to cleanse my soul.

How do you want it? Do you want it sugarcoated? Do you want my hair up? Do you prefer fully naked or do you want me in lace underwear?

I don’t care, honey. It’s the barest of welcomes, but it’s a welcome nonetheless. Welcome to my so-called “nudes.”

I can be your nightmare dressed as a Disney princess. Or I can not be dressed at all.

I promise you, you’ll be entertained. But for how long? How long until my nudes are too much? How long until it’s enough? When will it ever be enough?

I might even fall in love with you along the way but are you ready for it? Tell me. Are you going to post them for everyone to see and leave me dry because I’m too much for you?

Or are you willing to send me back your nudes and trust me that maybe I can handle yours too?

Be​ ​careful​ ​what​ ​you​ ​ask​ ​for​ ​because​ ​you​ ​just​ ​might​ ​get​ ​it. 

Apple just announced their new emoji line-up, and there is quite a bit of good news!

Look at these great foods! They finally added an avocado, a salad in case you ever decide to actually be healthy, and a peanut to send your friends when they are acting truly nuts.

But look at that peach emoji.

Look at it.

Instead of looking like a plump butt, it now looks like…a peach. This is an outrage.

If it’s any consolation, they relocated it next to the eggplant, which seems appropriate. But still. How will you send those thirsty ass sexts now??

It’s not all bad! You can always send that chopped up cucumber to the fuckboy who didn’t text you back. 

Nothing is sacred.

Nothing is quite like middle school romance, is it? For some, it means their first love, their first kiss, and maybe even their first encounter with sexting. And trust me, it’s all just as awkward as it sounds.

Twitter user Haley Griswold found notes from middle school love birds at her local movie theater, and they’re so hilariously cringe-worthy we can’t stop reading them (even though we’d really, really like to).

Each note starts innocently enough, but they go from 0 to 100 real quick.

We aren’t the only ones who can’t stop laughing.

Also, is it wrong that the notes feel weirdly relatable?

OK, now that we all got a good laugh, please go back to playing with your Barbies and Legos, children.

1. We Made Eye Contact On The Subway And I Immediately Imagined Our Future Together (We Move To The Suburbs And Have Three Beautiful Kids)

2. You Want Nothing To Do With Me And I’m So In Love With You Because Of It

3. You Think You Can Fix Me (And I Like To Pretend That You Could)

4. We Live In Different Cities, So It’s Easy To Like You When I Don’t Have To See You All The Time

5. I’m Angry That You’re Happy And Existing Without Me So I’m Going To Push My Way Back Into Your Life And Then Leave Again

6. You’re Angry That I’m Happy And Existing Without You So You Pushed Your Way Back Into My Life And Then Left Again

7. That Was A Mistake (Sorry)

8. I Can’t Tell If I’m Texting You Too Much

9. You’re Definitely Texting Me Too Much

10. I Was Bored And Sad And You Were Also Bored And Sad And We Thought It Would Work To Be Bored And Sad Together But It Didn’t

11. I Like That We Pretend We’d Be Together If Only You Weren’t Already Dating Her And If Only I Weren’t Me

12. I Went Through Your Facebook Today And Somewhere Between Your Photos From 2013 And 2012, Something Just Clicked

13. Give Me All Of Your Emotional Baggage, I’ll Pretend I Can Handle It Until I Eventually Begin To Resent You And Then End This Abruptly

14. Text Me Back (So I Can Ignore You Too)

15. Your Taste In Netflix Shows Is So Bad, But I Won’t Say Anything

16. Why Do I Get So Angry Over Her Venmoing You?

17. I’m Almost Always Doing Something Else While We’re Sexting

18. I Really Only Did This Because My Friends Explicitly Told Me Not To

19. We’re Going To Spend The Rest Of Our Lives Together In My Head

20. Let’s Pretend We’re Both The Types Of People Who Can Do Long Distance (When Actually We’re Just Happy We Can Easily Hide Things From One Another Now)

21. We Matched, And I Thought It Would Be A Funny Story

You don’t have to be subtle when sexting. In fact, it’s so much sexier when you are blunt. Bold. Brutally honest.

The more details, the better. Don’t hold back. Let him know how you really feel.

The dating scene has evolved with online dating, dating apps, texting, and other technology. While many aspects of dating have changed a great deal, with all the new options available now, you may wonder how can you be smarter in your approach to dating.

While some of the traditional rules associated with dating still apply, there are new rules too! If you want to date smarter, keep these ten rules in mind.

1. A first date should take place where you are comfortable.

The first date does not have to be formal. In fact, the more informal it is, the more comfortable you may feel. This helps the other person open up to you.

On a formal date at a fancy restaurant with someone you barely know, you might fail to express who you are. You might not be able to figure out who they are either.

2. Don’t go all of the way on a first date.

I know men will ding me for this and say it does not matter to them. And there are times when it may not matter that much if a man truly likes you. But, most men want to feel that a woman is selective about who she is intimate with sexually. This is a double standard.

Male clients often tell me that when a woman seems easy, they assume she’s loose with guys in general. I tell them this is not necessarily the case. Like men, women can and often do things outside of their norm when they are strongly attracted to someone.

Look – I’m sure you’ll agree that two grown-ups who are consensual can do what they want on a first date. But, usually, I advise my female clients to hold out at least past the first date. Give him a chance to get to know you outside the bedroom. And give yourself a chance to know him without complicating things with sex.

Intimacy starts with what happens between you when you are not in bed, and this builds a better bedroom experience.

3. It’s okay to wait 3 days after a date for the next call.

Men are hunters. They like the chase and pursuit of going after a woman. Women are usually the same way. If you like a man, usually you are ready to settle in with them. But for men, the more work they have to put into the chase and seduction, the more value they attach to the woman.

According to a fun dating statistic, even though 48% of women like to follow up after a first date within 24 hours, 68% of men prefer to play it cool and wait 72 hours before following up. Which is why I suggest you hang back and let a man take the lead. Often, if a man is interested in you, he will step up to the plate and work harder to woo you.

4. Figure out your communication preference.

We live in the digital media era. Sometimes this is great, but when dating because texting and direct messaging have no tonality, good relationships can end before they have an opportunity to even start. And this comes down to miscommunication and misunderstandings about communication.

There are many choices available to you as far as communication. Texting, instant messaging, FaceTime, using social media, email, direct messaging and the list goes on and on. But even with all of these communication options and more to choose from, 80% of singles still prefer to talk on the phone.

If you are dating someone, let them know what your preference is for communication. Also, find out theirs. Then you can determine the happy medium that works for both of you. Make sure you include face-to-face or over the phone communication, it puts things communicated to one another in a better context.

5. Ethnic barriers matter less.

Ethnicity in dating partners has become less important than personal preference. This means you can pay attention to compatibility, which is what really matters. Opposites attract, but like-minded individuals last longer together.

Now that people all over the globe interact with one another more, we are learning how much we all have in common which can supersede our differences. In selecting a mate, you need not be hampered by the old rules like dating someone of the same culture, religion, or race. This expands your dating pool and allows you to focus on compatibility. And especially for women in cultures where you feel like your choices may be limited, this opens up your dating options to give you a better range of choices.

6. If you want to play hard to get, do so at your own risk.

Because of online dating sites, matchmakers, and single mixers, there are a multitude of opportunities to meet and mingle with other singles. If you meet someone who you like, don’t be afraid to let them know.

Playing the waiting game could cause you to miss your chance with someone compatible. Don’t be afraid to be assertive and go for what you want. And you’ll be surprised at how sexy a person finds it when you are confident enough to step up to the plate.

7. Do not assume you are in an exclusive relationship.

Yes, that not is in italicized for a reason. This is not a new concept, but it is worth reiterating. The person you are dating may have a significant other. Or they could have more than one person they are juggling in their dating pool.

Polyamorous relationships are becoming increasingly common. In a society use to instant gratification, and where you can swipe for a better option, people can have difficulty settling down with one mate. If you have been dating someone for several months or more and are intimate with them, check in and ask about their attitude toward monogamy. Set expectations and tell them what you are looking for to ensure you are on the same page about your relationship and sexual partners.

8. Sexting is acceptable.

It’s ok to show some sexy in your relationship. Sometimes you want to share a picture or two or three to keep things fresh in your relationship. Make sure you are sexting with someone who respects you enough not to share your pictures with their friends or on social media.

Some advice for men: Yes, we get it. You are visual. But, voluntary sending pictures of your private parts isn’t something which you should do unsolicited. It does not necessarily get her going and if it’s early in the relationship might get her going in another direction. Let your woman take the lead to see where she is willing to go. Don’t offend her with inappropriate sexting. You may turn her off.

9. Little things matter.

Little things make a huge difference in a relationship. Never underestimate the power of a thank you card, a phone call when someone is having a tough day, a surprise gift, a spontaneous date, the offer of cooking dinner or dinner out.

Small gestures of caring and affection build a bond and create an extra layer of intimacy. The little things can go a long way toward building a stronger relationship.

10. Remember that people date for different reasons.

Dating is the traditional way to connect with others for short-term companionship and for creating a long-term relationship. Your end goal in dating may be different from your partner’s.

Some people date for a night of fun and companionship. Others wish to find someone to build a committed relationship which may not necessarily include marriage, while others date with the goal of finding a marriage partner.

What works for two people is different for each couple. When you are dating someone, you will need to find what works for the two of you. Whatever that is will give you the best chance of having a successful relationship.

In 2018, keep in mind these ten rules so you can date smarter. Let them guide you to the relationship that works best for you.

Dear Tinder Boys,

I know we’ve been on and off for awhile. So many times I’ve deleted the app and sworn I’m done with you forever. Then, I remember that I have no idea how to meet people in the real world and we’re back on again. We’ve had some really fun, romantic, borderline-magical times. A few of you even stuck around for a few months. Lately though, you’re making me seriously consider giving up on love and adopting too many cats instead.

We need to talk.

If you have lots of pictures of you with a dog, don’t tell me it’s your parents’ and that I’ll have to date you for 6 months before I get to pet it. That’s false advertising.

Congratulations on being over six feet tall! If that’s the only thing in your profile, it’s not helpful. Being able to reach the top shelf is not a personality trait.

I am way more likely to sleep with you if you can carry a conversation for five minutes without turning into a complete douchebag. I like a fleeting night of passion as much as the next girl, but that doesn’t mean I am a piece of meat that wants to start sexting the moment we match. “Hi, how are you? I bet you like having your hair pulled.” can’t possibly work well for you as a pick up line.

No, I don’t want to be on your Youtube series about Tinder Surfing that’s mostly just footage of girls from the neck down. No, I don’t want to see your penis. No, I am not your ‘sweetie’ or your ‘babe’.

If, despite all odds, we do schedule a date, provide me with an excuse if you decide to flake. I don’t care if it’s the least believable excuse on earth, just cancel like a human being and don’t ghost. I don’t want to shave my legs the night before unless you’re actually going to show up.

If we do end up going on that date, it’d be great if you could pretend like I’m there too. I’m not a piece of cardboard to talk at for an hour and a half, even if you did buy my drink (you probably didn’t). Also, I spent at least an hour getting ready, so a compliment would be nice. Or any kind of flirting at all. I want to be wooed!

I want to date you (or at least have mind blowingly good sex with you). I want this to work out. I just need a little help from you to make it happen.

Sincerely,

Me

1. I won’t stop until you cum.

2. Is it okay if I just pleasure you tonight? I don’t need anything in return.

3. If you haven’t orgasmed today, I can help with that.

4. I’m not letting you do anything to me until I can feel that you’re wet first.

5. The way you orgasm makes me want to make it happen more often.

6. What part of your body do you want my mouth to touch first?

7. Unless you cum quickly, I plan on taking my time.

8. I’m not going to sleep until you orgasm.

9. I’m into foreplay.

10. I’m really good at foreplay.

11. I really shouldn’t have changed my sheets because I’m going to make you cum all over them.

12. I really wish I could hear you moan right now.

13. If you’re not alone, then leave the room now because after I tell you what I want to do to you, you’re going to need to touch yourself.

14. I wish I could see you orgasming right now.

15. Your body makes me crazy horny.

16. I really just want your lips on mine.

17. I had fun in bed with you last night. Think we can we do that again soon?

18. Even your smile turns me on.

19. I can still taste you, and I love it.

20. Don’t wear panties tonight. You won’t be needing them.

21. Your ass always looks great, but tonight it looked phenomenal.

22. Do you understand how sexy you are? Because if not I can try explaining.

23. I want you to cum in my sheets.

24. I’m so glad you’re a freak in bed.

25. How is it possible that you’re that gorgeous and that kinky.

26. I want you to touch yourself while reading this.

27. If you have clothes on right now, take them off because you’re going to want to touch yourself after reading this text.

28. Pretty much everything about you turns me on.

29. (When you tell her you’re eating something) I’d rather be eating your pussy right now.

30. You could be wearing a trash bag and I’d still want to fuck you.

31. Obviously I want to kiss you, but I really want to kiss you all over.

32. I’d ask you out to dinner tonight, but I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my hands off of you. Dinner at home instead?

33. I’m curious as to what color panties you have on, but I really don’t care because they’re coming off as soon as I come over anyway.

34. I’m so hard for you right now.

35. I love eating you out.

36. I’m going to need way longer than one hour to fuck you.

37. I’m sitting in traffic, and all I can think about is how I’m going to make you cum tonight.

38. Is it bad that I can’t stop picturing you naked in my bed?

39. I can’t even keep track of how many times I thought about you today. Some of the times you were naked…Ok most times you were naked.

40. I like it when you boss me around like that.

41. Your laugh is so sexy.

42. Do you purposely try to turn me on or are you just naturally that sexy?

43. Tell me your favorite position so I know exactly how you like it.

44. There’s nothing more I’d rather do than get you off right now.

45. If I were with you right now I’d take off your clothes and carry you to my bed.

46. I want to fuck you in every room of my apartment, including the kitchen.

47. I don’t know what you do that makes me want to fuck you so bad, but I like it.

48. There’s something really sexy about the way you look when you’re orgasming.

49. What’s a position you’ve always wanted to try but never have? Let’s do that tonight.

50. Let’s do reverse cowgirl tonight, I want to see your perfect ass riding me.

This is not me saying that I stopped drinking for a week and even when I’m sober I still think about you late at night. This is not me saying that when I was wandering around Brooklyn after midnight, I wondered what it would be like to bring you to New York. This is not me wondering what it would be like to wear your sweatshirts at night, to be under your blankets at night, to be next to you at night.

This is not me thinking about you even a little bit. Or at all.

This is not me filling up the tub and dunking myself in it over and over and over and once more for good measure. There’s nothing to cleanse, nothing to rid myself of, nothing to wash away. Because this is not me thinking about you and that voice and those eyes and that way and thinking about what it would be like to put things back together that were once long lost.

This is not me trying to distract myself or trying to fantasize about what we could be or were or are or whatever that even means. This is not me trying to come up with reason after reason to not talk to you. This isn’t your name slipping easily off the tongue or naturally into conversation. This is not me letting you “cross my mind” or “bringing you up” or anything of the sort.

Because again. This is not me thinking about you even a little bit. Or at all.

Just so we’re clear, this is not a sext. This not me trying to get your attention. There’s nothing to this—just so we’re on the same page. This is not residual loneliness or the two bottles of wine in my system making themselves known and shouting when I’d normally say nothing.

That’s what this is. Nothing.

Because that’s what we are. Nothing.

So this is not me saying that sometimes I talk about you. To other people. And that saying your name out loud reminds me of things like summer and sweetness and possibility. This isn’t me wondering what you’re doing and when I’ll see you next and what this whole, “picking up where we left off” thing really means.

And it’s not me looking for hidden meanings or “just saying hi” or saying anything at all.

This is not a sext. This isn’t me wanting to ask what you want to do to me and listing out the 2, 3, 4, 6, 8, 12, 15 different things I want to do with just you. This isn’t me saying that I can’t sleep and I want to be not sleeping with you. This isn’t me hoping you can pick up on the “I want yous” hidden between things like, “hi” and “what are you doing” and “you good?”

This is not a sext.

This is not a sext.

This is not a thing.

This is not anything.

Unless you want it to be.

In which case, let’s pretend it’s not nothing. Pretend I never said anything. Pretend I can be something.

Pretend there’s something here.

1. I won’t stop until you cum.

2. Is it okay if I just pleasure you tonight? I don’t need anything in return.

3. If you haven’t orgasmed today, I can help with that.

4. I’m not letting you do anything to me until I can feel that you’re wet first.

5. The way you orgasm makes me want to make it happen more often.

6. What part of your body do you want my mouth to touch first?

7. Unless you cum quickly, I plan on taking my time.

8. I’m not going to sleep until you orgasm.

9. I’m into foreplay.

10. I’m really good at foreplay.

11. I really shouldn’t have changed my sheets because I’m going to make you cum all over them.

12. I really wish I could hear you moan right now.

13. If you’re not alone, then leave the room now because after I tell you what I want to do to you, you’re going to need to touch yourself.

14. I wish I could see you orgasming right now.

15. Your body makes me crazy horny.

16. I really just want your lips on mine.

17. I had fun in bed with you last night. Think we can we do that again soon?

18. Even your smile turns me on.

19. I can still taste you, and I love it.

20. Don’t wear panties tonight. You won’t be needing them.

21. Your ass always looks great, but tonight it looked phenomenal.

22. Do you understand how sexy you are? Because if not I can try explaining.

23. I want you to cum in my sheets.

24. I’m so glad you’re a freak in bed.

25. How is it possible that you’re that gorgeous and that kinky.

26. I want you to touch yourself while reading this.

27. If you have clothes on right now, take them off because you’re going to want to touch yourself after reading this text.

28. Pretty much everything about you turns me on.

29. (When you tell her you’re eating something) I’d rather be eating your pussy right now.

30. You could be wearing a trash bag and I’d still want to fuck you.

31. Obviously I want to kiss you, but I really want to kiss you all over.

32. I’d ask you out to dinner tonight, but I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my hands off of you. Dinner at home instead?

33. I’m curious as to what color panties you have on, but I really don’t care because they’re coming off as soon as I come over anyway.

34. I’m so hard for you right now.

35. I love eating you out.

36. I’m going to need way longer than one hour to fuck you.

37. I’m sitting in traffic, and all I can think about is how I’m going to make you cum tonight.

38. Is it bad that I can’t stop picturing you naked in my bed?

39. I can’t even keep track of how many times I thought about you today. Some of the times you were naked…Ok most times you were naked.

40. I like it when you boss me around like that.

41. Your laugh is so sexy.

42. Do you purposely try to turn me on or are you just naturally that sexy?

43. Tell me your favorite position so I know exactly how you like it.

44. There’s nothing more I’d rather do than get you off right now.

45. If I were with you right now I’d take off your clothes and carry you to my bed.

46. I want to fuck you in every room of my apartment, including the kitchen.

47. I don’t know what you do that makes me want to fuck you so bad, but I like it.

48. There’s something really sexy about the way you look when you’re orgasming.

49. What’s a position you’ve always wanted to try but never have? Let’s do that tonight.

50. Let’s do reverse cowgirl tonight, I want to see your perfect ass riding me.

Dear Tinder Boys,

I know we’ve been on and off for awhile. So many times I’ve deleted the app and sworn I’m done with you forever. Then, I remember that I have no idea how to meet people in the real world and we’re back on again. We’ve had some really fun, romantic, borderline-magical times. A few of you even stuck around for a few months. Lately though, you’re making me seriously consider giving up on love and adopting too many cats instead.

We need to talk.

If you have lots of pictures of you with a dog, don’t tell me it’s your parents’ and that I’ll have to date you for 6 months before I get to pet it. That’s false advertising.

Congratulations on being over six feet tall! If that’s the only thing in your profile, it’s not helpful. Being able to reach the top shelf is not a personality trait.

I am way more likely to sleep with you if you can carry a conversation for five minutes without turning into a complete douchebag. I like a fleeting night of passion as much as the next girl, but that doesn’t mean I am a piece of meat that wants to start sexting the moment we match. “Hi, how are you? I bet you like having your hair pulled.” can’t possibly work well for you as a pick up line.

No, I don’t want to be on your Youtube series about Tinder Surfing that’s mostly just footage of girls from the neck down. No, I don’t want to see your penis. No, I am not your ‘sweetie’ or your ‘babe’.

If, despite all odds, we do schedule a date, provide me with an excuse if you decide to flake. I don’t care if it’s the least believable excuse on earth, just cancel like a human being and don’t ghost. I don’t want to shave my legs the night before unless you’re actually going to show up.

If we do end up going on that date, it’d be great if you could pretend like I’m there too. I’m not a piece of cardboard to talk at for an hour and a half, even if you did buy my drink (you probably didn’t). Also, I spent at least an hour getting ready, so a compliment would be nice. Or any kind of flirting at all. I want to be wooed!

I want to date you (or at least have mind blowingly good sex with you). I want this to work out. I just need a little help from you to make it happen.

Sincerely,

Me

I’m a firm believer that the open secret to a happy relationship is a good sext session every now and then. It’s a fun way to make your partner feel good while getting a confidence boost from seeing how much you can turn them on. It’s not even hard to know the right buttons to push, just watch what this girl does:

Happy sexting :)

You can also spice up your love life with ‘Relax Already & Get Sexy’ an adult coloring book to do solo or as a couple.